It will not be easy to wait

12/8

Kimberley and I are going over her first semester evaluation one more time before signing off on each others’ forms. And out out of town guest arrives. I introduce Kimberley and then it’s just the two of us.

I wish I had my Blessed Mother bottle opener/key chain with me but the shiny penny Jamie found will have to do. All I can d is be as open and honest as I can be. Share some stories, just so she knows where I’m coming from. About 9-11. How the smoldering  pit, blasted buildings, ash, the smell of gasoline and burned bodies was my first face to face with the power of evil, the power of negation. And how in the face of that, creativity, creation, is a form of resistance. A partnership with God, with the holy in the ongoing work of creation. The intersection between beauty and justice, ethics and aesthetics. My commitment to build a home where that could be explored.

And how when the landmarks decision came down, Presbytery had a vision of us selling the property, merging with West End and me going off to do my own social justice ministry for five years. Retirement. I coudn’t see social justice separated from spirituality, community. They told me I was putting my family at risk. And that they cared more about my family than they did.

And when  told my family that, they all said, no, the way you take care of your family is by being who you are supposed to be, by following your dream. That’s how you show your children how to remain authentic. And otherwise, who they get is not you, only a shadow. I will always thank them for that.

I am willing to put it all, I have put it all on the line.....for this dream. Though my first obligation is to see that the church  survives, I will follow my dream to the end. I believe that she hears me.

She has brought two theatre people to tour the church with her. Teddy will lead the tour. Martin along too. I believe I’ve done my best. Now we’ll wait and see. I work on and finish my Sunday sermon. Arrange the front of the church for Advent. Get everything set up. I like the way it looks. it will not be easy to wait.