I'm going with it was Mary

1/26

Elizabeth has come to shoot my portrait. Before she can begin, Danielle comes up, says she has to speak to me. A semi-worried, semi-sheepish look on her face. Says that two reps of Noche Flamenco were touring the building and over heard people having sex and were quite embarassed.

(Expletive deleted) I said. I’m about to lose it. I’m working desperately hard to bring Noche into the house. To close the deal. And now this? (wtf, literally). She sees I’m about to explode. We’ve got it under control. Rafael is sending someone down from the Bronx. It’s ok.  She says. But I’m not sure. I don’t want to lose Noche. I’m done. More than done.

But I go with Elizabeth. She shoots me all over. In the 4th floor gym. In front of sanctuary windows. On the stage facing the Tiffany window. Stephen’s window. I tell her the story. I tell her to be gentle with me. I don’t want to look as old and tired as I feel.

I look in the sanctuary. There’s Mary, bent over. She’s in terrible pain. Tells me her legs have been aching. She couldn’t get up until she forced herself to go downstairs. She sees I’m upset. I tell her why. She says, Oh, that’s terrible. Then says, I hurt so bad, I couldn’t stop moaning. I just kept going, oh....oh...oh..

I say, what did you say?

She says, Oh..oh...oh...

Chris has come. He’s found one of the security guards asleep in the closed room.  Pastor Bob, I don’t know man, my guy’s been asleep...his girl was there, but the dude was dead asleep...I don’t know.. I think about what Mary told me. Call Danielle over. OK. I’m going with it was Mary. Moaning. Thayt's the story. Mary.

I’m spending hours on the phone trying to deal with P______’s impending eviction. It’s insane. If only I could get a judge to really listen to her, about the cameras, the x-rays, the poisoned food, the chloroform through the heating ducts, it would be so clear. The court clerks look at her massive, jumbled, disordered self-prepared pleadings and scold her with you should have’s as if she was really going to prepare professional legal briefs? I’m calling a friend on the bar, I’m calling Gale Brewer’s housing specialist..her case comes back Monday at 3:30...Time is running late, you should call....I could break down and cry..

I have to run and see Bernardo to talk about hooking up a San Patricio celebration...and other possible El Taller collaborations. Coming back, I get a call from Danielle, Gale Brewer...Communty Board 7...the police... So I have to go to Precinct 24. 

Two hours later, I’m back at the office. Ready to go home. To  a movie with Andrea. For a break...Danielle’s in deep conversation with a guy with a backpack. Obviously been going on for awhile. What the movement’s done to him....losing his faith..walked all the way to Washington..20-30 miles a day...picture in Time magazine....what does it all mean...what should I do...just want to go home (word)...job waiting...he’s a carny in Florida..so many children..

I’m exhausted, hearing about every other sentence. Look my brother, I know this is hard, but I got no more here, ok? And she has to go home. I can pray with you, but that’s all I got...

He looks at me, so where do I go? What would you do if you were me?

If I were you? You on the list? (He nods) I’d come back at 8:30 and go to bed. 

He shakes his head. No man, can’t do that...

Well you could try an emergency shelter. They tell me they’re scary. You won’t get into any church tonight. Find a synagogue, sit and listen to prayers and chants. That’s what I’d do.  Ride the subway all  night long. Sleep on the street. See what I mean? Come back...

Shakes his head again. Gets up, starts to leave. Wait, I say. I call him over. Lay hands on him. Pray for God’s angels to watch over him. Holy Spirit protect and comfort and guide him to where he’s got to go. That’s all I got. He goes out the door.


In the middle of this, John H comes in to remind me about a Dark Lady Players party tonight I've forgotten about. He can immediately see this is not the right time. Oh well, maybe next week, he says and is on his way. I wish i were going. 

Maybe now. Maybe now....I look in the  sanctuary. Rudolfo’s asleep on a pew. Not going home yet. Not yet...