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Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Respect

4/2

Martin comes in to follow up on our conversation from yesterday with some new questions.

Pat O is in the neighborhood and stops into review plans for our  upcoming retreat.
Time to go meet Elise and talk about plans for the Friday housewarming she is planning for me.

4/3

Having rented a truck, I stop at the church to unload some things from my apartment that no longer fit there but can be of use to the church.  A long drive to Flatbush to drop a couch at Nate’s will follow. Driving a Uhaul truck is an adventure.
4/4

All day getting ready for the housewarming/blessing.
4/6

The Session has gathered for a long and serious meeting concerning our future. We need to talk among ourselves, gain clarity before meeting with the Center Board tomorrow. Sometimes the enormity of the knowns, combined  with the potential gravity of the unknowns are enough to make some of us question, ask what’s the point, is it worth it,  if we will spend our last financial, emotional, spiritual resources in a losing effort to prop up a terminal building? What has happened to our congregation, the real church, during this process? Can we generate enough rental money from the church house to replace what we would have gotten from our latest run away partner? If we don’t have sufficient band-width, where will we find it?

It’s just a reality that given what we have gone through, we have to occasionally revisit these questions. These years have been hard on us. But every time, at least so far, we come out of the conversation with a renewed commitment to stay the course.

While the meeting is concluding, I get a text from my friend Jean. She’s in the chapel waiting. She’s here with a group from California, to do rebuilding work  from hurricane Sandy in the devastated Rockaways beach neighborhood. They’re staying out at First Presbyterian, Jamaica, Queens, the oldest church in the Presbytery. Born 350 years go. They welcome church groups from all around the country doing Sandy work and their  pastor Patrick is a leader in IAF and a passionate spokesperson against gun violence. Jean also is working on creating a new worshipping community whose rasion d’etre will be service, like this project. We have been friends for 30 years.

As I talk with her in the chapel, Hugo comes in and I introduce them and when she learns he’s from Nicaragua, she shares some  of her experiences in that country. Something else we share in common. The last time she was here, Teddy was helping Martin construct his studio. Teddy could sense there was something special about Jean and he gave her one of those radiant, deep quiet smiles of his.

On our way to Times Square for a play, we stop at the Gate and encounter Pat O ad RL and the conversation turns to the Open Mic and Jeanie sees a real opportunity. The diverse mix of genres and styles, more so the people who perform them, ages and ethnicities and competencies, the open accepting and collaborative environment, the creation of community, all of this makes it a fundable project and she knows how to do that. This conversation will continue.
                                                                  
                                                       * * * *

It’s late. Post seeing Once, a musical about well, music, creativity, collaboration, community and well, love.

I’m in the office, finishing planning for tomorrow’s service. RL stops in for conversation, but I’m annoyed by sounds from outside. Boisterous laughter, boasting, bragging, guffawing, etc.  I tell RL I can’t concentrate and have to go outside  and deal with this. He asks if I want company and I figure that’s not a bad idea.

Joe and La Toya and a few guests are hanging on the steps. I begin by saying this is inappropriate. Its after midnight, It has to be quiet here.

And in a  flash, I’ve got an eminence grise in my face, eyes dark with anger. Yelling about respect. Like crazy people, con artists and street hustlers, he knows exactly what buttons to push and I’m telling him respect is what it is all about. Soon Joe has entered, macho posturing and all yelling about the stress he’s under. Just as the first guy is coming off on who you gonna care about, these homeless people you sposed to care about or those white bread fairies across the street? RL leads him away leaving me with angry Joe. 

La Toya, the only one who senses, this can go south very quickly and that their place on the steps may be in jeopardy, steps between the first guy and RL. You escalatin', she says. 

Next thing I know, the Midnight Run van pulls up, spilling out happy, cheery suburbanites here to help the homeless with a sandwich, clothes and a smile. Not now, I don’t need this.  A cheery young woman steps up to try and intervene . To explain the homeless to me.  Please, I say, you don’t really understand. She looks,like she’s about to cry.
 Next thing I know, her mother is yelling, How dare you, how dare you yell at my daughter! She’s been feeding the homeless for three years! Don’t tell me we don’t understand it’s you who don’t understand.

About now, one, two, three police cars arrive, police jumping  out. Someone has called in about an altercation on the steps. They try to sort things out. Finally realize that I’m the  pastor. I tell them that Joe and La Toya can stay, and that everyone else must go. It’s then I see the permanently banned Sergeant Keith on the steps, trying to be invisible. The first angry man thinks he can outface the police. This is not a good idea. The Midnight Run people are trying to somehow say that this was my fault. Because I don't understand these people. Or something  like that. 

Finally the police get it all sorted out. People moving  on their way. A young gawker is standing in the middle watching all this. The police tell him to move on. Hey, it's a public sidewalk ain't it? He says. But he, too, moves on. And the Midnight Run van loads up and heads back to the burbs.

RL leads me back inside. My adrenalin is pumping. I’m upset. How in the hell do I wind up on the street after midnight fighting with homeless people?  Seriously…..

I’m especially upset with the Midnight Run people. They do good work. They bring food. A bit of comfort. They help make the streets bearable which is both good and bad. At best, it can be an opportunity for action and reflection. But there is also the possibility of self-satisfied attitude that allows these conditions to exist in order to provide opportunities  for people to do charity, good works and feel better about themselves. And worse, the possible unspoken judgment about those of us in the city who actually have to live with this not as an issue but as real people we have to deal with every day. The attitude that they who parachute in once a week as angels of mercy actually understand  the situation better than we do. Liberals. Sigh. Liberals.

I hear laughter  again. RL offers to go out and check. He returns. It’s just the police, he says.

Respect.


Tuesday, April 1, 2014

There is no connection between these things

3/31

Pat O, Mim and I meet to plan our retreat for this coming Sunday. The Center Board and the Session have some serious issues to work through regarding our future. But the biggest has to be how to get the congregation to be in a position to focus on its own growth and development. Needing to return to the original vision of the Center sometimes forgotten in the search/wait for the white knight.

While we’re meeting, a couple of guys from Sanctuary NYC come in asking about some microphones they may have left here last fall. Well….

I get the text from Pat. Her daughter in law Maya, one of the lead singers of Guess & Check,(http://www.guessandcheckband.com/?page_id=8) has just delivered Pat’s first grand child, Nyla Simone…congratulations, Pat….

Mario comes in. Wants to meet with Katherine and I on Friday to pick up the new spiritual communities conversation. And it looks like their open choir is meeting tonight.

RL comes in to tell me someone is asleep in the sanctuary. It turns out it’s Geoffrey. He sleeps here and at Elise’s Advent Church. Yesterday, when he walked in, he stood a long time facing the Tiffany Jesus window, bowing and raising his hand in a saluting, or asking, seeking gesture, speaking in his own language. I wish I could learn his story. Today he is just asleep. I wake him up. Tell him I’m locking up. Time to go. He thanks me profusely and is on his way, looking over his shoulder at Jesus.

4/1

April 1st. April Fool’s Day. Nineteen years ago, this was my first day at West-Park. There is no connection between these things. It has been a long journey. Lots of blessings. Lots of losses. Long. It is sunny. Getting warmer. Even though it’s been officially spring for over a week, it’s still been cold. But warming up now.

Martin, Mitchell and I sit down. To talk about a long term relationship with Noche. Five years we’re looking for. It’s not a white knight. It’s piece of a complicated puzzle. But maybe if we can get one piece down…..maybe…In the studio next door, Antigone continues to evolve.

David S, who has been working as a handy man, is turning the front closet into a workspace.

Time to head to Newark to teach.




The Fourth Sunday in Lent: I once was blind. And I still am.

3/30/14

Fourth Sunday in Lent


Pat is here, anxiously awaiting the birth if her first grandchild tomorrow.

We begin today with a reading from 1 Samuel 16: 1-3. It’s about the call of David as new king of Israel. As Samuel proceeds down through the sons until he gets to David, the youngest, the shepherd, it seems like the message is supposed to be don’t look on the surface of things. God doesn’t look at things that way. But then, ironically, the author has to tell us  that  David … 12 was ruddy, and had beautiful eyes, and was handsome…well, I suppose the point still stands.
Then we say together the 23rd Psalm in the classic King James Version and in Spanish:

23 The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
2 He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.
3 He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
5 Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.
6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.


23 El Señor es mi pastor, nada me faltará[a].
2 En lugares de verdes pastos me hace descansar; junto a aguas de reposo me conduce.
3 El restaura[b] mi alma; me guía por senderos de justicia[c] por amor de su nombre.
4 Aunque pase por el valle de sombra de muerte[d], no temeré mal[e] alguno, porque tú estás conmigo; tu vara y tu cayado me infunden aliento[f].
5 Tú preparas mesa delante de mí en presencia de mis enemigos; has ungido[g] mi cabeza con aceite; mi copa está rebosando.
6 Ciertamente[h] el bien y la misericordia me seguirán todos los días de mi vida, y en la casa del Señor moraré[i] por largos días

The next reading is the Epistle, Ephesians 5: 8-14:
8For once you were darkness, but now in the Lord you are light. Live as children of light — 9for the fruit of the light is found in all that is good and right and true. 10Try to find out what is pleasing to the Lord. 11Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them. 12For it is shameful even to mention what such people do secretly; 13but everything exposed by the light becomes visible, 14for everything that becomes visible is light. Therefore it says,
     “Sleeper, awake!
          Rise from the dead,
     and Christ will shine on you.”

This continues the theme we began with Adam weeks ago. About being aware of your reality, awake. And not hiding but bringing  things out into the open, owning who you are. That resurrection is not just rising from the dead, but something we need to do over and over, even daily. Claiming our life as it is, engaging the world around us, being open to new life.

Finally, we come to the Gospel, John 9: 1-41. As I enter into its Spanish reading, the woman who has been gamely sitting here throughout the service finally leaves. She was looking for a Catholic service. Or at least the old Spanish service that used to be here. This clearly was not what she was looking for.
We’re dealing with the story of  Jesus and the man born blind. Plenty to deal with here:

* People first language. Our friends in the disabilities caucus have helps us to understand the importance of people first language. To say, the  blind man, is to allow one characteristic of a person to define their whole being. Any person is more than an adjective.

* The equating of a physical disability with spiritual or moral failure. The …who sinned?…question. (2Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind). As much as we’ve moved beyond it, the idea lingers.  Like people in the hospital who say I don’t know what I’ve done that God should do this to me…at some level that’s a way of trying to maintain order in creation. Even if I don’t know what I’ve done, if it’s payback, then things make sense. Otherwise, we have to be prepared to deal with randomness in life. Even chaos. And then, what are we left with?

* Then Jesus’ answer: that 3… he was born blind so that God’s works might be revealed in him.  To that point, maybe better of he had remained blind and still revealed wholeness. Beauty. Power. A friend from a PHEWA disabilities group used to say when we sang Amazing grace, I once was blind and I still am…I recalled my friend at Oral Roberts University, born with a withered leg. His fellow students would gather around him and pray. When his leg never changed, they actually got angry. At him. It must be his fault. The fact that his leg didn’t change threatened their faith. Finally Oral himself had to intervene and tell them that sometimes God has his own plan for any person that we might not fully understand. That God’s works might be revealed in ways we don’t immediately see. (Like choosing David.)

* The relationship between power and metaphor. One of my members once complained about the hymn Amazing Grace to our (then)music director who was African-American. But it’s just a metaphor, he said. Yes, like wash me and I shall be whiter than snow, she said. Oh, he said. 

Last Wednesday in our clergy lectionary study, a seminary student said, And we are all blind in some way, and I gently pointed out that we can’t really appropriate the particularity of a community’s experience.

We always need to be aware of who has the power to define metaphors and their meaning and that they often come from a place of dominance over against the other as an expression of power. 

* The one born blind speaks to the center of experience. 25…. I do not know whether he is a sinner. One thing I do know, that though I was blind, now I see….That is all that matters. Interestingly, this verse was the ascription for Martin Scorsese’s 1980 film about Jake La Mottta, Raging Bull.

* The one born blind now speaks for himself. As his parents say, 23… He is of age; ask him…In the terms of Liberation Theology, he has become the subject of his own history, responsible for his own destiny. This liberation is the true healing in the story.

Some of us with experience in the 12 step movement talk about the power of getting your life back. Some about the necessity of recognizing a higher power, something beyond yourself.  There is a correlation here with depression as well.  In Joshua Wolf Shenk’s Lincoln's Melancholy: How Depression Challenged a President and Fueled His Greatness, he describes how Lincoln was subject to depression, even periodically suicidal. It was his shift from seeing the struggle against slavery as a political issue to a personal call, a mission, that helped Lincoln move beyond depression.


* 22….. they were afraid of the Jews…We have to be careful with passages like this. Everyone in the story were Jews. It’s better translated Judeans or even better religious authorities. Such passages, even in John, the so-called love gospel, have provided fuel for anti-semitism.

* Likewise, the Pharisees were the protestants of their day. They believed that God lived not only in the Temple, but anywhere the word of God was, in holy scripture. This of course can lead, as we’ve seen in the American Christian Bible belt, a torahology, or bibleology, where rules take precedence over justice or compassion. Justice and mercy need each other, neither survives alone.

* As for their blindness, Jesus seems to be arguing when you don’t know you can’t be held responsible, but once you do, you are. Like the Adam story again. Like  coming of age and Bar Mitzvah. Once you know, once you see,  you are responsible.

All in all, a good discussion. Geoffrey comes in as we are finishing.

While he wants to stay, I have to tell him I am closing soon.

At the Metro IAF neeting

There’s a night meeting of Session. We are wrestling with the increasing demands of an ever more problematic building, it never ends. And how to not get distracted from the important work of moving the congregation forward, of really getting into the process of implementing our transformative ministry model. The building has worn many of us out. It is the people who are the church, not the building.  We can’t lose sight of that.