Not the Titanic

4/11

Deacon James has shaved. Looks only slightly less distinguished. Still wearing his African hat, quiet and dignified. The chemo is tiring. And the new teeth are not right yet. I tell him I know it can’t be easy. Well, he says, this is not the Titanic. I’m not going down that fast. One of these days, it’ll all be over. And I’ll just roam around heaven all day. But for now, I’m still here.

John H is in to help us with last minute financial analysis going in to tonight’s meeting with Melisa and her partners. We need to make sure that we understand everything in order to have an intelligent discussion. 

Teddy in my old t-shirt

Teddy comes by for an update on discussions regarding their exit plan. 

I head out to talk to Jack. It’s been too long since I’ve seen him. When I get back, Jamie is there. One last preparation discussion. 

We meet wih Melisa and her partners in the chapel. Our session members, the Center board, Danielle. And Berik. Explore issues of finance. Insurance. Programming. Ask hard questions. They handle it well. And we feel good about the meeting. 

When they leave, we review the mountain of issues re. money, repairs, etc. that are confronting us, looming, like a waiting iceberg in a freezing North Atlantic. It even feels cooler today.

On my way out, Teddy stops me. They’ve brought Wesley and Antonia’s things inside. She was taken away to the hospital. He had to go with her. 

Twentyninth day of Lent: Getting the picture

3/27

It’s nearly noon and Wesley and Antonia are still in front of the church, blocking the doors and spilling into the street, early blocking the sidewalk with almost an apartment’s worth of stuff. As I approach  and say, Wesley, Antonia....she drops what she’s carrying  and goes running down thr street. Wesley says, now look what you’ve done, you’ve scared her off and goes running down the street to catch her, their  apartment’s worth of stuff  still in front of the church. 

I realize soemone’s beside me and find Elizabeth, the free lance Fulbright photographer who had  come in to the church last winter  to photograph occupiers, hopin gto be published  in the New York Times Metro setion.  She’s finally back to catch up.

Wesley returns, angry with total frustration. What am I supposed to do? he asks, what am I fuckin supposed to do? You don’t fuckin give a shit, you don’t fuckin care , all you care about are your motherfuckin church doors..

No, Wesley, I do care, but you can’t be here all day, closing  off our doors...not to the church or anything else ..... look around, it just doesn’t work.

And he’s got his own litany of working, trying to keep her safe, no place to  sleep or even rest...shelters won’t allow them to be together, though anyone can see they go together...an insearable pair...says he’s got an open case with Goddard-Riverside and they don’t do shit...

in the midst of this monogue, a police cruiser draws up. Two precint 24’s, a man and a woman, step out and ask Wesley what’s going on. He goes through the same rap again. The male cop is all been there, done that. Clearly heard it all before. He does come across as legitimately caring. And may be as frustrsted as Wesley. Says he’ll check back later, try to help him out. Wesley just throws up his hands in desperation, OK, OK man, I’m gettin out, Im gettin out..

I take Elizabeth to Popover’s to give Wesley timeand to catch up with her. Her frustration is finding a publisher for her work. The Times didn’t feel her quiet and introspective look into the occupiers fit thier story line. In addition to the occupy project, she’s got several others, mainly concnerning women and war, and is about to speak to a comverence about her Fulbright work in Bangladesh. She wants to know what’s been going on. She talks about having to carve out a unique space as a journalist because she’s so short,she can’t shoot over people’s heads in crowds. So she wants to slow the story down, get below the surface  narrative. Make it personal. And so she takes time to get to know. She talks  about her nights at West-Park, slowly getitng to know people. Not attempting to  intrude or push into their space. Finally,the formal, seated portrait idea emerging.

She aks me how I feel about mine. I look worn and tired, I say, amazing how it captures how I felt that week. She says that friends who see the portraits say mine is their favorite. Don’t know how to take that. But I appreciate it. I still want to do an exhibit of her Bengladeshi photos. For someone so young, she’s got a piecing yet caring eye that searches  into evrything , wanting to understand. Seeing through her eyes adds to my understanding.

We walk back to the church to see if anybody wants to see their portraits, She sets up her laptop. Surprising how many have gone, gone for one reason or another. She wants to come back to the church and do portraits of those she  missed last time around, like Teddy , Requiem, Runi..it’s just finding the right time..

Sh’ll be back over the next couple of days. We talk about the current media reality whereby anything that does not stay within the given narrative is excluded. Control of the narrative still oin the hands of the powerful. Creating new narratives has to push its way in from the margins. 

To see Elizabeth's work:   http://www.elizabethdherman.com/
To read about Elizabeth's nights at West-Park see 1/26 and 1/27

Twentysixth day of Lent: There's a reason for that

3/23

Much of the day spent in negotiating, form filling out, etc. An older retired FDNY guy does a conditions inspection. He is warm and friendly. I notice from his card he’s got a phd and at least one masters degree. He also comes to check out my apartment.

Teddy lets me know today is (quiet) Chris’ birthday. means more to me because today is my own son Nate's birthday. We head up Amsterdam for a late lunch and conversation with Chris.  I learn for the first time of his efforts to gain an mfa in filmmaking, his growing up in NYC backyard Coneecticut, the perils of student loans. (One article Iread inidcated that the student loan crisis in the  US is  every bit as dangerous as the mortgage crisis.) He’s got skills and talents yet to be fully realized. Need to work on this.

Much to my serious disappointmnet,  I learn we have lost Noche Flamenco, at least for now.  Tough to specuate exactly why. Of course we’ll miss the  money, but the real hurt goes deeper. 

By 4:59 we have resolved our issues. Another inspector comes for a tour. The same questions over and over again.

I go to a meeting of the session at Hugo and Arcadia’s to review the week’s events. On the way back to church I run into Poet Tim and RL on Amsterdam and share a few words. 

Back at the church, there’ a fire safety group hard at work. And a surpise party plnned for (quiet) Chris. Steve will order a pizza, a cake is also on its way. Chris (quiet)  will be surprised. I half-joke about all the questiions they raise these days.  Like do we have a policy forbidding a single adult from being alone with a chld under 16. I say, thinking of our people, so what if its an aunt with her niece?

One of the women responds, slowly, firmly, grounded....there’s a reason for that...she says...my uncle, my own uncle...then she gets silent. There’s a reason for that.  My uncle...my ....look, it’s happened to so many of us, you think it happens to everybody. Almost think it's normal. . Anyways, there’s a reason for that.

We eart the pizza. Cut hte cake...sing happy birthday , Chris.... a lot of work left to do. It’s been a long week.

Twentysecond and third days of Lent:Sometimes you just have to set principle aside and do what's right

3/19

The day begins with reassurances, ends with fears realized.

I head to Don’s office to learn about his work and hear a new song in development. 

Back at the office, Danielle and I developing a strategy of what to do next. 

All too soon, its time for Bible Study. Tonight we’re looking at Matthew’s version of the Anunciation, the angel’s visit to Joseph. (1: 18-25) We realize even though he is a righteous man, a law abider, he decides to find a way to save Mary from capital punishment, stoning for adultery, even before the angel has visited him. He has discovered a deeper sense of obdeience, of rightoeousness, one centered in mercy. As always with Matthew, the whole of the Gospel present at every stage. Hope thinks that maybe Joseph telling this story to Jesus comes to him when the woman is about to be stoned. Could have been his own mother. Joseph taught him the quality of mercy.

It’s St. Joseph’s Day. John has brought rich, creamy St.Joseph’s day pastries from an Italian bakery on his way home from work. We enjoy them together. And have enough for Teddy and Steve to share.  I recall that in New Orleans, this is the last day that Mardi Gras Indians parade. The next day, the costumes begin to be disassembled. 

Off for drinks with Jamie and talking through strategy.

I’m remembering something that someone said to me the year I worked in the little town of Oakdale, west of Pittsburgh. They were supposedly conservative/evangelical, me supposedly beyond liberal. We loved each other. We shared a sense of the sacredness of community. 

In that context, someone said to me, related to accepting a community member who was outside their normal bounds of sexual expression, sometimes you just have to set principle aside and do what’s right. 

3/20

I meet with everyone in the coop to bring them up to date on what’s going on. 

Danielle and I face a day of digging through files, assembling papers, filling out forms, phone  calls. Stress rising. 

Late in the day, I give a tour of the building to a rabbi and one of his board members. They’re looking more to buy than lease. The church house is a little rough for them, the presence of Occupiers, well, rough too. Though the rabbi says he can feel the spirit of the place.

Running out of time. Critical work to be done.  A guy on a bike from Hattiesburg, Mississippi who just wants to help, doesn’t know why people won’t let him just help, doesn’t want to push himself in where he’s not wanted, why back home the way they do it...is going on and on. I need to leave soon for Newark..We finally just close the doors. I feel like crying.

Twentieh Day of Lent:It's all gping according to the plan

3/16

Steve is wanting to settle details on tomororw’s planned action at Zucotti Park. As well as where we stand on a number of different church and occupier projects.  Chris, Requiem and Stan are chatting outside. Proud of last night’s production of over 400 t-shirts for Riverside Church and their Water is Life project. It’s the screen shop’s first real job. Stan  is thinking about a t-shirt design for School is a gateway drug. And all the different ways you could take that.

Teddy is reflecting on life. Ups and downs, his personal growth over these months. The natural frustrations of living with a group of people. Possible after effects of a concussion. He’ll take the time to bartend for us Sunday night. 

Two production people for Don (director? lighting?) come in to check things out for their planned backers’ audition showcase  coming up next Wednesday night. Looks like it could come together.Meanwhile, Matthew is wrapping up another rehearsal. 

I’m taken down and given a tour of the t-shirt factory. It’s an impressive sight. Took alot of hard work over the course of the night to do this and it is impressive. Chris needs a find a laundromat where you don’t have towash first to run the shirts through and finish the job. 

Marc is looking for a permanent place to store some sound equipment and maybe create a recording studio. A modest one. Sandy walks in wondering how the t-shirt project is going and i direct her downstairs to see what still needs to be done. 

One of the Times  Square Playwirghts actors, Robert, wants to discuss a staged reading of his own play concerning  descent into homelessness. Robert performed in our  gala and was also a most gracious bar tender. 

I hear a commotion and Rafael comes bounding in. He’d found someone upstairs goign through things. When he questioned him, the guy jetted, as they say. Checking out the flier the police left, he looks a lot like the guy who’s been robbing churches lately. Rafael inititates a parenthetical conversation wanting to check out how much the coop has paid in utilitities charges so far as opposed thow much was promised. We’ll have to check that out. 

I need to go meet Jessica and Mary to talk on WBAI radio at the Left Forum. About our event tomorrow. And then catch up with John H at the opening of Bella’s (playwright for our gala play)  Angel Play, her own take on the rlaltionship between the angel Gabriel and the Virgin Mary. 

Late, when I come back to pick up my stuff, I’m almost happy to see George back. Seems like he drops in about once a month, just to see what’s going on.

So, Bob, (he knows my first name) how’s it feel to be under martial law? 

Well, I’ve had my shre of police visits, been called into the station...

He harrumphs. Nah, man, that’s just local shit. I’m talkin federal governmnet, federal...

OK....

December 31st he did it, Dumbo, Dumbobama...(see those elephant ears?) the NDA, the National Defense Act. Militias, posses comitatis, all that shit. He says, nah I ain’t ever gonna use it, trust me. Nobama, trust me, shit!

 I nod. Hey, you a pastor, right? Ain't it biblical what’s goin on now, ain’t it biblical?

George, you goin apocalyptic on me?

Apocalyptic? Shit. people homeless. people got no jobs. Ain't got no prospects. That ain’t apocalyptic enough for you? Apocamothfuckinlyptic enough for them!

And so we go through the Bible from Leviticus to Paul. Like I tell my students in Newark, quoting  Gutierrez, there is at the heart of the Bible a concrete plan that would make poverty impossible were it followed. George knows all about the sabbatical year laws, the demands of the jubilee year. International debt choking the poor nations? That shit is unmothafuckinbiblical, you hear me? 

And I do. He know how government elimination of the housing subsidy program will result in 8000 people in New York City losing their homes. I give him some Medellin, some Gutierrez. Some Cone. Some Matthew25, Micha 6.  All about God’s prefernetial option for the poor, freedom for the oppressed.

And who are he oppressed? That’s right, the so-called Negro, the Latino, the...he continues on. 

Wesley had awakened from behind his blanket screen. Wants me to call Project Reachout on his behalf.  Saying they want to split up him and Antonia. I need to check that out. Check out what she wants. 

George is moving in to an analysis of the current global  situation. How the modern day Israelis and Israelis ar enoit he Biblical Hebrews. The Israelites of the Bible are multicultural, multiethnic, defined by mutal situation of oppression.  That’s where God’s heart is.

I know where he’s going. where else, Iran. How its like 2003, falling into war, being sucked, dragged into it.

God, let’s hope not, I say.

Can’t do nothin’ about it, he says, what will be will be. We headed to the valley of decision, aka Armafuckingeddon. What will be, will be. It’s all going according to the  plan. 

So. He did go apocalyotic on me. I wonder what gets him out of his hard won apartment in the Bornx to sleep on these steps once a month. Maybe its just the conversation. 

NIneteenth, Twentieth days of Lent: I think I see the UPS truck

3/14

There has been anxiety building up because the one who used to live here, who had to leave last Friday night, has been announcing that he was going to crucify himself in Zucotti Park today. Teddy tells me that he’s been arrrested again so that there’s no need to worry. 

As she always does when she comes, Mim brings sandwiches for Danielle and I for our meeting. In addition to her steady, thoughtful leadership of the Center Board, there is a genuine care and concern for us as staff, as people, that helps keep us going.

KIngdom Come is rounding into shape. Hope has come because I had announced that today was the day for te open rehearsal. I was one week early.  Two visitors come in, listen briefly to the music, the voices, go back out again.

As I’m stepping out for a moment,Luli comes in. She’s very concerned at the time it is taking to finish our contract. I’ll be meeting my attorney to talk about that tomorrow morning. John H wants to know if we really understand Melissa’s proposal about potentially booking. 

Requiem, Rose and Chris want me to come see what they’ve been up to. They have completely cleaned up the basement room that hasn’t been used since theHalloween party.  They’re almost ready to start their silkscreen business. All they need are the shirts, coming courtey of Riverside Church. 

My good friend Beppe stops in . We’ll be going to dinner down the street.  I show him pictures of both the open mic night and the occupocalypse.  Introduce him to Jane and Tia who are in their office. Take him downstairs to see the silkscreen shop. He says the church reminds him of a place in Italy where his radical theatre group rehearsed, back in the day.

When we come back after dinner, he tells me how, well, happy, I seem to be in my work. And I’ll say that’s true.  I am. 

Walking up Amsterdam, all the doorways of the church are filled tonight. 

3/15

Chris and Rose are anxiously awaiting the UPS truck and the delivery of the shirts. I love their sense of excitement.  

Steve is concerned about the amount of stuff that Wesley and Antonia are now dragging in. It’s hard enough to get them up in te morning, but it takes them forever to dismantle thei stuff. I need to call Reachout and see what the story is. 

Mary and Jessica are setting up for the Free Clinc that’s now open two nights a week. Staffed by the National Nurses Union and Physicians for Single Payer, it’s somethin g we have been wanting to do for a long time. Later at the Center meeting, Ted will say that he encourages new arts grous to include service, especially clinics, in thier models.

As I’m heading out to go to the Center meeting, Chris shouts excitedly, I think I see the UPS truck...just down the street!

Eighteenth day of Lent: What am I supposed to do?

3/12

Visitors from a camera club have been touring the building. They find the walls intriguing. A perfect place to display photos. Seems like it would work.

Two visitors have approached, Teddy gives them a short tour. One more of those never saw the doors open before visits. 

Danielle is telling a woman she doesn’t speak Spanish. But that I do. I ask her ques es su problema, senora? And in heavily Eastern European accented English, she tells me she doesn’t speak Spanish. She’s got a phone card and when she dials, a voice speaks to her in Spanish. But doesn’t it give you an English option? I ask. Doesn’t it say Para Espanol empuje numero uno, para Ingles, empuje numero dos, or something like that? 

So what button do I push for English? she asks again.

Finally Danielle looks at the card says, Look, those top numbers are for Spanish, you need to use these lower numbers, at the bottom... 

She thanks Danielle profusely. This lady has saved me again. She introduces herself as Helena and I realize that she is the Polish woman Danielle has been telling me about. The one who comes in to pray. The one who has this special relationship with the Virgin Mary. 

And sure enough, she tells me a long involved story about the Holy Mother directing her to a spring. Miles from Krackow, her home. A woman whose daughter is in the hospital with a burst appendix. Filled with sepsis and pain. The doctors have give up hope, nothing more to do. The little girl is thirsty. Helena touches her lips with the water from the spring. She doesn’t die. Within two days, the daughter is fine. Released to go home. The doctors say it is a miracle. That’s all it could be. They are men of science. But the Holy Mother did this. Helena is glowing as she tells me this. Touched by the spirit. 

Before she starts in on another story, RL comes through to talk about his proposal to rent a rehearsal space, have a place to lock up his instruments. I’m starting to wonder what will go where. And I’m feeeling sorry that we’ve got a Center meeting the same night as his birthday. It’s very important to him that Danielle and I be there. With anyone else who will have you, he says to me. 

I step outside with Teddy. We have to get the Exit signs up. Have to get the shopping cart unlocked from our scaffolding rails and removed. A middle class looking white guy comes up. Looking for a soup kitchen. We direct him to SPSA, the Westside Campaign. But he wants to talk. Long. Frustrated. Angry. Contractor. Paper hanger. Member of the guild. Used to have his own business. Can’t find work. Made $28,000 last year. But his rent was $14,000. Lost his insurance. Lost his Camaro. Lost his...Says he’ll work for what they pay the Mexicans. He can have a one time emrgency grant, but, he’ll still be behind...

Teddy says, look bro, why don’t you use some of that money and get your insurance back again, get some work, get some money comin  in...

No that won’t work because, because...what am I supposed to do? Just what the fuck am I supposed to do? 

Two blocks down to the west, says Teddy.

Frustration. Madness. What comes first? we all need to be heard.

Helena continues. She had a new cell phone. Not yet activated. A call came. How could that be? It was a voice telling her, in her Polish, to close a window. An intruder was trying to get in. It was Jesus, spaeaking in Polish. Or her angel. When her daughter came to help her to activate the phone, the miraculous message was still there. 

Time to leave to teach in Newark. Outside, Teddy and I see Wesley approaching. We ask him about the shopping cart. Not his. That fat Spanish guy, he says. And whose bike is that?

Look bro, you're gonna have to get somethin figured out, Teddy says in his husky Bronx accent to Wesley. This just ain’t workin.’ ‘S no good. He’s concerned about Antonia. So am I. Offer to help hook him up with Goddard-Riverside. Project Reachout.

Man, I already have an open case with them. They lookin. Lookin. What am I supposed to do?

Third Sunday in Lent: Occupy breakfast

3/11

Jamie has brought more candles to bring more light.

We gather. Begin. John reads the ten commandments. We do Psalm 19 people’s mike style. It ends with oh let the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be acceptable in thy sight O lord...I ask if anyone recognizes that. Of course, I say that every Sunday before the sermon. But then Kamini says, Bob Marley, and I say, that’s right and sing it his style. (Well, kind of...)

And after Samantha reads the Epistle, we sing How Beautiful the March of Days...Lily reads the gospel, Jesus throwing out the money changers, in Spanish, I in English. 

We’re talking about a Covenant again. This time God’s covenant on Sinai. And the  Ten Commandments.. God to Moses at Sinai. In Hebrew, it’s words, sayings, matters. In Greek, decalogue, ten words.....In Jewish tradition, these commandments only were  written directly by God’s finger....The universal basis of all morality...and no penalties listed...The other 613 mitzvot were for the children of Israel, not anyone else. 

And by the way, who remembers Charlton Heston?

So OK.,..scorecard time. I’m not asking for any public answers here. How many have you broken? A number of my former Catholics remember their first communion. The commandments and their first confession. Pretty heavy memories.

Which is the first?

I tell the congregation that there are at least three different ways to number. In the Jewish tradition, I am the Lord your God is the first word. ..Or it could be have no other gods before me...I think that everything  else follows that, everything  else is a variation, amplification, about about honoring something other than God...

Which leads me to Jesus in the temple...what was he doing there? Which commandment inspired him? According to Barbara Lundblad, he was disrupting religious routines...(and religious leaders too...) or maybe it was about Jesus and a  strange piety...

What was it that annoyed him...what is it that we need to worry about?  what changes frighten us, do we need to make?

Was Jesus part of the black block of his day? A great conversation ensues, Hope speaking of righteous anger, Jamie saying that you can never be sure enough to unleash that level of violence.

And if you talk about destruction,

Don’t you know that you can count me out (in)

Lennon-Mc Cartney, Revolution

It remains a question in the air. 

Our occupiers invite us upstairs for breakfast. Bacon, eggs, quiche, apple crisp. It's amazing what can be done with a convection oven, a microwave and a hotplate.  I look at the tables. The conversations. The warmth. I see the lives that have been changed. This is exactly what I want. This is community. 

Breakfast table

Leila, Arcadia and Jamie

Amy and Nirka

Later, the Session meets. Sekou has had a fender bender. But he can’t locate his license, is concerned about the police. So I go to be with him. Later we meet together. Talk bout the idea of the Freedom Church. And when we talk about Sanctuary and Jane, it’s Samantha who comes thorugh, says that she never wants anyone to feel unwelcome in our church. That we need to get our two groups together.  Work on the relationship. And she’s interested in creating all Sa thrift shop. We find candidates for the session. And deacons. We will have an annual meeting. It’s been a long day. Time to go home. 

Sixteenth day of Lent: Plastic Jesus

3/10

I’ m late for my meeting with Sekou. But when I get there, he’s sitting at the piano, playing his song. Quiet, bluesy. Teddy and Steve are lisenting. Steve has already opened u the conversation I hoped would happen. There’s marchers who need training in non-violent action. Sekou wants to create a place where that training can take place. He’s very clear he’s got no desire for vanity arrests. And neither do I. Not for photo ops. Not for raves. it’s got to be serious. 

We go back to my office to talk. About tomorrow’s meeting. About creating a congregation around word, worship, witness. And how some of my folks see that as the same congregation. The vision is very close.

Have to run to see my friend Pastor Elise. Talk about her dissertation. The Virgin Mary and popular imagination are in there at the center. 

Before the day is over, I’ll send her these words and a Youtube of Paul Newman singing in Cool Hand Luke:

I don’t care if it rains or freezes

Long as I got my plastic Jesus

Ridin on hte dashboard of my car

Comes in colors pink and pleasant 

Glows in the dark cause he’s irridescent

Take him with you when you travel far.

Get yourself a sweet madonna

Dressed in rhinestones sittin onna 

Pedestal of abalone shell

Drivin 90 I ain’t scary 

Long as I got the Virgin Mary 

Assurin me that I won’t go to hell .

Then I’ll go see Councilmember Brewer. Remind her of the promised 20 mmillion still waiting to materialize. My need for a new lawyer. And a community advisory committee to take charge of the restration project. The clock is ticking. 

Then I’ll go back ot the church. Answer some phone calls. Try to talk with the mother of the young man we had to remove last night. Try to come up with a plan. Hear Steve playing the piano. Then go home. Enough.