It's been five years now

2/22/14

We remember Adham

As I approach the church, I see that Joe and La Toya are gathering up their things, ready to go.  Good morning, I say. How are you?

Fine, says, La Toya, how are you?

Fine, too. I want to thank you for being up and getting ready. Makes my day easier.  Joe just stares at me. I appreciate it. I go to get my coffee. Days going to be easier all ready.

I go about moving the communion table. Getting the green cloth, the offering plates, the Colombian Cristo Rey with the damaged hand we place on the table and a few candles. Arcadia’s sisters and other friends and relatives are arriving with food to set up for the reception after  the service. Today is the 5^th anniversary of Adham Brenes’ tragic death on the train tracks near the 125^th street station.

Jeremy arrives and begins preparing for the service. There are so many people, we will sit in our pews and not make our customary circle.   I do invite everyone to come up front however.

We begin with Adham…and a generation of West-Park kids’….favorite church song, Sanctuary.

Or first lesson is Leviticus 19: 1-2, 9-18.  An explanation of what it means to be holy. I ask what people heard. Someone says, Obedience.  

We look again at these words:

⁹When you reap the harvest of your land, you shall not reap to the very edges of your field, or gather the gleanings of your harvest. ¹⁰You shall not strip your vineyard bare, or gather the fallen grapes of your vineyard; you shall leave them for the poor and the alien: I am the LORD your God.

And we notice that even here, in Leviticus, God is already demanding care for the poor and the alien, demanding that we not consume all but leave some for those in need. Not as over and above charity, but just because. No paying farmers not to produce.  No destroying food that could be eaten just  to keep prices high.

And we read these words:

¹⁵You shall not render an unjust judgment; you shall not be partial to the poor or defer to the great: with justice you shall judge your neighbor. ¹⁶You shall not go around as a slanderer among your people, and you shall not profit by the blood of your neighbor: I am the LORD.

Anna reminds us that there is no such thing as victimless crime. Prostitution connects to human trafficking. And if you trace the money you pay for drugs back, it winds up with the deadly drug cartels in Mexico that have made life along the border a living hell.

And I talk about how the Presbyterian Mission Agency will be sending to this summer’s General Assembly a motion to divest from Caterpillar, Motorola and Hewlitt-Packard because of their involvement in supporting the violent and repressive occupation of Palestine. … you shall not profit by the blood of your neighbor

And then in conclusion:

¹⁷You shall not hate in your heart anyone of your kin; you shall reprove your neighbor, or you will incur guilt yourself. ¹⁸You shall not take vengeance or bear a grudge against any of your people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself: I am the LORD.

We use as our refrain for the Psalm:  

…in your righteousness give me life.

Our second reading is 1 Corinthians 3: 10-11, 16-23. If we’re going to  build, we must be clear about a firm foundation. And that foundation must be Jesus Christ. None of our plans for rebuilding will succeed if we do not have the right foundation. And then we read:

¹⁶Do you not know that you are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit dwells in you? ¹⁷If anyone destroys God’s temple, God will destroy that person. For God’s temple is holy, and you are that temple.

That’s what we’re talking about when we sing, Lord prepare me to be a sanctuary, pure and holy, tried and true, with thanksgiving, I’ll be a living sanctuary for you. That is the incarnation. We are the dwelling place of God. If we can believe that, truly believe that, how does that change how we treat ourselves? And if we see others as the dwelling place of  God, how does that change how we see them? Treat them?

Finally, Arcadia reads the Gospel, Matthew 5: 38-48, in Spanish. And I in English.

³⁸“You have heard that it was said, ‘An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.’ I point out that this law was intended to limit vengeance. To seek equivalence. And if even that could be applied to us to day. How many multiples of 9/11 have the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan cost in human life? How many times over have the Israelis taken life to exact vengeance for terror strikes? If only  an eye for an eye.

³⁹But I say to you, Do not resist an evildoer. What exactly does that mean? But if anyone strikes you on the right cheek, turn the other also; which is exactly what Jesus did on his way to the cross.

Then there is this:

⁴⁰and if anyone wants to sue you and take your coat, give your cloak as well;  In those days, anyone only had two garments so to take both off would make one naked and thus shame the other. And I recalled again Rabbi Marshall Meyer stripping naked in the Buenos Aires police station to free his congregants.  

  ⁴¹and if anyone forces you to go one mile, go also the second mile. The first mile was oppression. The second mile a declaration of independence, an expression of indomitable spirit. These statements of Jesus are as much, or more, strategic and tactical than moral.

⁴²Give to everyone who begs from you, and do not refuse anyone who wants to borrow from you. Really? In New York City? Really? One of our members says, You do what you can when you can.When I first came to New York City I’d never experienced so much begging. My children were frightened. I asked my friend Marc Greenberg of the Interfaith Assembly on Housing and Homelessness what to do. He said that giving money was not required. But acknowledging the others’ humanity was. It is becoming ignored, invisible, that causes people who are homeless to lose their sense of their own humanity.  And each a temple, a dwelling place of God.

And then finally,

⁴³“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ ⁴⁴But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, ⁴⁵so that you may be children of your Father in heaven; for he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the righteous and on the unrighteous. ⁴⁶For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? ⁴⁷And if you greet only your brothers and sisters, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same? ⁴⁸Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.”

I recalled how hard it was in the 1980’s when I went to my neighboring Episcopal Church and had to pray for our President Ronald, after what he was doing in Central America.  Or how I told my boys that if they ever go anywhere and there’s someone there they see and are afraid of or have something against or are made uncomfortable by, first thing, walk across the room and offer your hand. It breaks the spell, the power that grabs and holds you. It puts response back on them . And how in the midst of our Presbytery struggles, Jamie recommended that I pray for our most virulent opponent. Again, that broke the power. And this time as much strategy and tactics as spirituality.

We finished our prayers. And then the passing of the peace. And then paused for the breaking of bread. A stretch for coffee. And pastelitos, and bunuelitos, pudin de arroz and pastel de manzana.

And them we gather for our time of memory. A tale has been created with photos and other objects of memory, including the dragon flies that became so symbolic for Arcadia. As she speaks, alone at the podium, it’s clear that even after five years, the wounds are still raw. And some wounds will never heal. I have the deepest respect for the way she has held onto life, has continued to smile and laugh and love and have a home of hospitality where all are welcomed. All fed, all nourished. She is then joined by Adham’s two closest friends, a young woman and a young man, who share their own remembrances.

Sharing words of remembrance

Deacon James shares a passage

Arcadia’s retelling of the  story of those days, that time out of time, bring back my own memories. The bus ride back from DC where I was with my family. The searing, wrenching visit to the morgue to identify the body, Hugo and I, while Arcadia waited. The endless lines at the Ortiz funeral home. The overflow crowd in the basement of St. Paul and St. Andrews for the memorial service.

Arcadia smiles as she tells how so many US friends of Adham ask to visit his grave while on tours of Nicaragua that the cemetery workers think he  must have been a rock star. This year, his sneakers finally came down from the telephone wires. Urban shrine gone.  And now after five years, she s ready for this to be the last public memorial.

Deacon James steps forward an shares these words from Revelation 21:4

 And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.

One love

We gather. Jeremy plays, and we all sing, One Love…by Bob Marley. Then I ask everyone to make a circle. A very large circle.  Before she joins the circle, I ask Arcadia to look around and see everyone. All the faces in the circle.  And remind  them, as my Native American friends once told me, once a circle has been made, it exists forever. I repeat my traditional benediction. And then one last chorus of One Love….and  then the memorial is over.

Afterwards, Hugo shares with me how fitting the Bible passages and how hard, yet important, forgiveness is to keep moving forward. 

                                                       * * * *

Our session meets to review our situation. And we remain  calm. We will do what we can do in our own integrity. And then wait and see what will happen. That’s all that we can do.

Even if it's in Yonkers

10/12

A bright and beautiful morning.Stephen is already here to greet me. Anna and puppy arrive soon too. That’s what brings me joy on a Sunday morning. People here to meet me when I arrive. 

The congregation gathers. This is a good day. People keep arriving. The circle keeps expanding. Dion, the comedian is back again. He’s almost a regular. Travels an hour from the Bronx to be here. The Fridy night Open Mic has become a family for him. And now Sunday morning too. That’s the synergy we speak of.

Soon son Dan arrives in his Steeler jersey. Our home town team in to play the Jets. We will be leaving soon. I’m proud that Pat and Glen are ready to lead services even as I have to be elsewhere.

Today is an important day. It’s Adham Brenes’ birthday. He would have been 22 today. Six years later, the tragic, unnecessary absence still hurts. All afternoon, young people will stop by Hugo and Arcadia’s just to be present. But this  morning they are with their church. Our hearts will be wit them all day long. And Adham is still with us.

Later, after a day with family ending with Chinese food in Chelsea, I’m back. I hear voices raised outside on the steps. I go out to find Joe storming off. I try to speak to him but he’s gone. His girl friend says he’s angry. I tell her they’ve got to chill. Rob is already asleep. (Why is he here? Why would you choose to sleep outside  on the steps when you have  a place  to go, even if it's in Yonkers?)

Time it head home.

Remembering Adham 2013

2/16

Today we gather for the fourth anniversary of the death of Adham Brenes. Once again, family and friends have gathered to remember joy and vitality of of a young man whose brief life touched so many so deeply.

Morning has broken

There’s technical issues so that the sideshow we wanted to see can’t be shown. And YouTube keeps having buffering issues as we try to play Cat Steven’s Morning has broken so that we all can sing along.

Arcadia shares this poem               

The Dash

by Linda Ellis copyright 1996

I read of a man who stood to speak
at the funeral of a friend.
He referred to the dates on her tombstone,
from the beginning…to the end.

He noted that first came the date of her birth
and spoke of the following date with tears,
but he said what mattered most of all
was the dash between those years.

For that dash represents all the time
that she spent alive on earth.
And now only those who loved her
know what that little line is worth.

For it matters not, how much we own,
the cars…the house…the cash.
What matters is how we live and love
and how we spend our dash.

So, think about this long and hard.
Are there things you’d like to change?
For you never know how much time is left
that can still be rearranged.

If we could just slow down enough
to consider what’s true and real
and always try to understand
the way other people feel.

And be less quick to anger
and show appreciation more
and love the people in our lives
like we’ve never loved before. 

If we treat each other with respect
and more often wear a smile,
remembering that this special dash
might only last a little while.

So, when your eulogy is being read,
with your life’s actions to rehash…
would you be proud of the things they say
about how you spent YOUR dash?

rembrances of Adham

The dragonfly

We talk about the different icons of Adham’s life. What’s new is a dragonfly in a glass box created by an uncle.  A dragonfly showed up at Hugo and Arcadia’s shortly thereafter. It has come to be a common symbol for those that loved him of the presence of Adham’s spirit. 

tatoos

Arcadia shows a photo of the many tattoos Adham’s friends have had done to honor him. From dragonflies to quotes to the sneakers over the phone lines image. And a young woman shows the tattoos she has just had done this week. 

There are words from friends. From relatives. From my colleague Regi who was my associate when Adham died. Regi assures us of the ongoing nature of love. n ether side of the line between life and death. And how ...in living, in dying, we belong to God, we belong to                                                                                                                                                                                   God...

Arcadia speaks of what a long  journey it is from a mother who has lost her child, especially remembering all that was gentle, kind and good abut Adham.

When it is my turn, I recall that after our years some questions still haunt. And that I believe someday a heart will be opened and someone  will speak the Truth , will resolve the  unfinished questions that remain.

And how before Adham lived in one place, Now he is present in all the hearts  and souls in  the room and those beyond the room And that while like the little glitches in the service, indicate, life is not                                                                                          perfect. We know that all too painfully well. But what is perfect is the way that a circle of people, a community can be with us and see us through painful  times, celebrate with  us in  times of joy. And that in the midst of our community, Adham is present still. And will continue to be. 

                                                                 One Love


Others share their stories, funny stories, life affirming stories. And we all listen to and song with Bob Marley’s One Love, Adham’s signature song.

Let’s get together and feel alright...

As we sit and talk, one mother wants to know why we talk about wanting to know the  ttruth. And i explain that there are these facts don’t make sense. Answers held back.

Arcadia (Left)

And as is always the case, we go to gather in  the chapel where a feast waits. Arcadia is the embodiment of the biblical precept of hospitality. Yes, it is part of Nicaraguan culture, but it is the essence of who Arcadia is. An essence that has remained even through eat could be unbearable grief. I’ve learned  that what gets us through is remaining true to who we are, especially in the  ways that take us  outside of ourselves and connect us with others. 

As it was in the beginning (One love)

So shall it be in the end (One heart)

Alright, "Give thanks and praise to the Lord and I will feel all right."

"Let's get together and feel all right."

Hug and chukd (K

Today we remember Adham

Adham's shoes, by Peter Salwen

2/19

Today we remember Adham. Teddy and Rafael and Jay are getting everything ready for the service. They’ve got the folding chairs set up for our circle, but I explain that there’ll be more people today. I go off to get the bulletins and when I come back the congregation is already beginning to assemble while Arcadia and her family are getting Mc Alpin Hall ready for the reception to follow. 

Marc has come in to get the sound set up because today we’ll be needing mikes. Amy and Andre are gettign the music ready. An altar has been set up with photographs and other memoria. I look out and see West-Park folks. And occupiers. And Jane. And so many of Adham’s family and friends. And it's time to begin.

We start by singing Morning has broken. Then Arcadia invites family and friends up to light four candles, for grief, for remembrance, for love and for life.  Like the Compassionate Friends annual December Candle lighting ceremony (.http://www.compassionatefriends.org/home.aspx ) And Arcadia reads from Facebook postings from after Adham’s death in all their teenage rawness, uncensored emotions, just as they were. Nothing prettied or cleaned up. Nothing hidden. And as always, we sing Sanctuary. 

After John reads the story of Elijah being taken up by the chariots, Andre sings slowly Swing Low, Sweet Chariot...Then we recite the 23rd Psalm together in English and Spanish. Hugo reads a story of Jesus calling disciples from the lakeshore in Spanish and I read the story of the Transfiguration in English. And then I speak.

I rememeber. Getting the phone call in Wahingtom, DC. Getting on the bus to get back to New York City. The dozens of teenagers  who came by the house to share thier grief with Arcadia and Hugo but mainly each other.  The hundreds who came by the Ortiz funeral home, the line stretching down the block.  And the more than 250 who came to worship in the  baement of SPSA that Sunday to remember Adham. 

Three years later, it’s good to remember because it was important for our church. That morning proved we could be a church even without a building. It was, is, the people and our care for one another that made, that make, a church. That morning brought back many people who had been separated, for whatever reason, a time of reconciliation, if only for that moment. And that  morning gave us a chance to witness to hundeds of young people both about our faith and the priceless value of their owh lives. And that a church took them seriously.

Three years later, Adham remains ever young and still with us in many ways. 

Most importantly,  in the circle of friends that were connected to and through him. 

Through the relationship that circle continues to have with his family in their visits to his home, to Arcadia and Hugo. In stories that continue to be told, in laughs that continue to be laughed with him in mind. In lives thay have gotten better because young people have taken themselves and their own value  seriously.

Please understand what I am saying:

I believe that God can and does work for good in all things if we are willing to be open to working with God. That does not mean that everything that happens is a part of God’s plan. God has a plan, but not everything that happens is part of it. Why? I don’t know. Somethings remain a mystery to me. That’s what it means to be human. Sometimes, even God is surprised. And God grieves with us in the deepest part of our hearts.   But God, with our cooperation, has been working good these last three years. 

Today is Transfiguration Sunday. That  one last blast of light before the darkness of Lent descends. The disciples look up on the  mountain, and they see Jesus there with Moses and Elijah...and they get it, what he’s about, what his ministry means...then they look again and see only Jesus...then he takes them back down the mountainside, back to down here, where we live, where we live it out...the glory is only good if we live it out here...

How? There are issues that remain for me, still, from that first Sunday service, three years ago. There are still things that are known that haven’t been said. Things that are known that are hidden. In some ways, that doesn’t matter quite so much anymore. Whatever peace can be found is found and there will always be a tension between pain and peace. And yet....that silence must be a burden...and telling the truth can be a way to be set free...the truth will set you free... and be freeing for all of us who loved Adham. 

Young people, ah, young people of every age, never forget how valuable...and how vulnerable your life is. Take good care of it...and take good care of each other..

Parents....you can never say I love you enough...and doing I love you even better. 

I said we had learned that a church for us is not a building. That’s still true. But buildings become places for church to be lived out. And more...what we do within a building creates over time a certain spirit. Our first remembrance services for Adham were at SPSA, where we were welcomed with hospitality, and we will always remember that. But it was not his spiritual home. This place was. I looked at a picture just last night of his confirmation day. Standing right about there....It is good to remember him here, finally. Like coming home, bringing him home, in a way. And so today, we remember...and give thanks, for Adham...for what he was, and is, in our lives.

As the offering is taken up, we sing Tu has venido a la orilla, Lord you have come to the lakeshore, and for the first time I feel myself choking up, almost unable to sing. 

Arcadia brings up several young people who have tatoos in remembrance of Adham. They hold up the pictures. And she tells the story of the dragon fly that came into her apartment and followed her and the other dragon fly stories people have experienced adding this community’s story to centuries of traditions.

Our final hymn is Pues si vivimos: When we are living.

En la tristeza, y en el dolor

En la belleza y en el amor

Sea que suframos, o que gocemos

Somos del senor, somos del senor....

In sadness or pain

In beauty or in love

Ins uffering or rejoicing

We ae of God, we are of God...

I’m not sure what to do with so many people, but Jane tells me we can make a circle all around the church. And we do,  And as the service ends, we hear first Bob Marley’s One Love and fittingly, Whitney Houston’s Greatest Love..

Upstairs there is food. And people talking. being together. We do this three years later because the reality of Adham’s tragic death on the subway tracks remains  part of our present. I have the deepest respect and admiration for how Arcadia keeps the reality of pain and loss present while at the  same time keeping all that was good and joyful in his llfe present as well. And does this while staying completely alive in each new moment that comes and present to the people around her. In this there is courage. Grace. And most of all, life.